A Little Secret About Me.

My husband and I were laying in bed last night and we got to talking. I mentioned the word vulnerability to him and he legit looked at me like a deer in headlights . He had no clue what I was talking about and was not sure he even wanted to go into this conversation with me. I think at that very moment he thought if he laid still enough and slowly closed his eyes I would think he was sleeping and just stop talking. I was beginning to talk about feelings.

Now he is a very smart guy, who can rattle off stock prices and numbers until my head is spinning so fast I am sure I look like Linda Blair in The Exorcist...on speed. Yet, he did not have a clue what I was talking about when I mentioned the word "Vulnerability". It is such an amazing word that many people are so scared of. They are scared of talking about vulnerabilities, let alone being vulnerable.

This whole conversation stems from me re-reading "The Gifts of Imperfections" by Brene Brown and me wanting to dig deep. This is by far my most favourite book on the planet. I feel like she wrote this book for me and is talking to me!! The first time I read this book I was on an airplane on our way to Las Vegas and as I read it tears were streaming down my face. It finally clicked and I had an "ah ha" moment...I was a perfectionist, who was not perfect! OMG, the worst thing a perfectionist wants to know!

Now let me elaborate on that just a little.

I was living a life where I wanted everything to be perfect, easy, happy and conflict free. I thought this was possible. I thought a strong, powerful and intelligent woman could do and have it all.

I was also living a life where I was stressed, burnt out, overwhelmed and full of anxiety. I was constantly wondering why my house did not always look clean, I wanted to spend every penny I had to make it look like a showhome (thankfully I did not), I got annoyed with the kids and my husband when they made a mess, I got frustrated every morning when I had nothing to wear, I felt like I had to cook healthy wholesome meals every night because that is what good wives/moms do, and I wanted to work and bring home a good pay cheque. I basically thought I could be superwoman!

The problem when you live these 2 lives is you are not being true to your authentic self. I kept people at a distance, because heaven forbid they found out about my "double life".

After many months of working with a lovely lady on the phone; Tabitha, and reading many of Brene Brown's books I became what I like to call a "recovering perfectionist". I began to let go of the layers that were built up. I began to let people into my life and I began to give myself permission to not be perfect or act perfect.

We all have our shit we have to deal with. We all have a messy house, piles of laundry, take out bins in the trash and conflict in our lives...and if you don't believe you do, start reading this book ASAP because you need it the most!!

Writing this blog post puts out a lot of feelings of vulnerability but I believe it is important for everyone to know that my philosophy at Whole Body Wellness is not about perfection. It is not about having your life all put together or about having all the answers. It is about the journey that we are all on. It is about you and finding peace and love within yourself and hopefully giving you some tools along the way to make your journey a little easier. It is about loving our imperfections because that is where the light shines through.

I don't have all the answers on nutrition and there are many other bloggers out there who have better recipes and more knowledge in the field. I am not a personal trainer and I am not a psychologist.

I am a woman. A wife. A mother. A sister. A friend. I want to share with you my experiences and share with you my vulnerabilities. Everyone deserves to know that they are never alone on their wellness journey. I felt like this and it was not fun; trust me!

Being vulnerable and embracing your imperfections is something I have to work on daily. Some days are easier than others, but I am a better mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend because of it.